Online
by indrotuction
Summary: Just a bunch of random one-shot conversations including glee kids online. May it be texting, Facebook, group chats, and Twitter. Basically a whole lot of online fun and Klaine! Warning: there will be some racy texting conversations and some swears
1. Kurt's captured phone

Scene One- Kurt's captured phone

"Hey Tina… where'd Kurt say he was going again?" Rachel questioned in a sing-song tune. Her lanky fingers were hugging a phone that wasn't hers. Also, tiny white squares were twinkling, as she smirked. She was up to no good. At all.

"To the grocery store for some food. Why?" Tina questioned whilst she coated her legs with a green pair of sweat pants. The electric pant could've been stained by limes.

"Well, he left his phone here," Rachel continued letting her words be drenched in a teasing tone.

"And…" Mercedes said. Lifting her, now well plucked because of Kurt, eyebrows, she revealed an intrigued look. Sure-sure-sure it was nice of her white boy to invite her and her girl pals to sleepover, but Mercedes wanted—no, needed some gossip. Rachel and Tina would appreciate the drama as well.

"And Blaine just texted him! Do you think we should answer because wouldn't Kurt be-"Rachel was silenced a booming bullet of Mercedes voice.

"Hell to the no! If you think we shouldn't answer, then girl get out. I want to have some _fun_ with Kurt's man!" Mercedes simply said.

"Yeah! Let's have some fun!" Tina squealed launching herself, as if she was a rocket, to join Mercedes.

"Okay fine, let's do it," Rachel agreed, as the bed groaned under her weight. Now they were all sitting on Kurt's bed wrapped in a rose like colour. Mercedes being the impatient five year old she when it came to gossip, she snatched the phone from Rachel. Staring deep into the phone, all three of the girls watched it like a movie screen. Blaine's message, now messages, read-

 _Hey! How you doing beautiful! –Blaine_

 _How's the sleepover with the girls? –Blaine_

All three of them swooned; Blaine was such a gentleman. Clacking out a message on Kurt's phone, Mercedes responded trying to use her best text acting skills to portray Kurt.

 _Actually, it's going pretty good! Though someone won't shut up, and I think I'm going to slap her soon… –Kurt_

 _Rachel? And it's going pretty good without me… I thought it would have been awful. ;) –Blaine_

"Why is his first guess me? That doesn't make any sense… does Kurt complain about me often, or something like that? I don't talk too much about-"Rachel's blabbering slowly faded into an un-readable _blah, blah, blah._

"Rachel! Please be quiet before I actually act upon my thoughts about slapping you…" Mercedes quipped.

"Oh whatever! Give me the phone, I want a turn!" Rachel mumbled, as she strained her arm closer and closer to the phone; Mercedes was hovering it just out of reach.

"Ugh… guys, don't you think you should answer Blaine?" Tina asked. She knew that they would wrestle like puppies until they'd, simply, gave up when their out of breath.

"Yeah, okay fine. Rach can have, but it want it back!" Mercedes question oozed with a begging tone. She passed the phone off to a sandwiched Rachel on her left. Tina, to the left of Rachel, pleaded as if she were a five year old wanting a new toy, "When will I have a turn?"

"Well, why don't we go in order me, Tina then Mercedes? We can all type four different texts, and see where that leads us."

"Okay, sounds good!" Tina let a squeal breeze past her lips; she was in for quite the excitement. Rachel got down to business, and let her fingers bang against Kurt's phone.

 _Well, if you were here… it would've gone from pretty good to amazing! –Kurt_

 _Same to you! You know studying can be pretty hard when you have a certain someone cross your mind a few times. –Blaine_

 _Oh yah, whose that? –Kurt_

 _Hmmmmmm… let me think. I'm pretty sure, though I could be wrong, it was a kid named Harry Potter! –Blaine_

 _Oh! I didn't know you had a thing for nerdy glasses, and scarred foreheads. –Kurt_

 _Well, I also have a thing for pretty boys with blue eyes you can get lost in, and always perfect styled hazelnut hair. –Blaine_

 _Good thing I like charming boys that pile out compliments! –Kurt_

"My turn!" Tina said with her tone melting into one's of a two year old now. Once the phone was cuddled against her hand, it shrieked out a ding.

 _Good thing you like something else too… -Blaine_

"Crap! Right when it was getting interesting; that sounds like sexy talk," Rachel protested breathing out a puff of air. Tina let her fingers dance away on the screen.

"No, honey that _is_ sexy talk," Mercedes replied.

 _Care to explain? –Kurt_

 _Sure… -Blaine_

 _I know you have a thing for what we did last weekend! –Blaine_

 _Hmmmm, it seems I have gotten some memory loss. What did we do? –Kurt_

Wow, that was some good improvisation skills from Tina. She mentally gave herself a theoretical gold star for that. Congrats Tina!

 _Well, we started it with a, quite romantic I might add, dinner made by me! –Blaine_

 _Then? –Kurt_

 _Then it ended quite well! It ended with a certain boy that has beautiful blue eyes pounding into an, apparently, quite charming boy. –Blaine_

"Whoa-whoa-whoa, hold up! This doesn't make sense… Blaine bottoms?" Mercedes question dripped with dis-belief, as her eyes expanded as if they were being pumped with air. "Let me see this Tina!" she, quicker than a bowling ball can drop two feet, typed out a response. Mercedes wanted—needed some clarification.

 _Yeah, I guess I do have a thing for boys who bottom well… -Kurt_

 _That must mean I have a thing for guys who top excellently! –Blaine_

All three girls sucked in a breath making a gasping sound. Blaine really bottomed… wow. Kurt was just so-so-so girly, if that was the right word, to be topping with Blaine. They just sat in Kurt's room where the sound of silence coated it. No one dare even let their pinkie toe twitch; they sat frozen. That was some amazing gossip worthy information.

"Why are you girls so quiet? It's actually kind of scary. Is there something wrong?" The bed squeaked in pain as another body sat upon it. Kurt had come in, and none of them noticed.

"Ugh… can we to ask you something?" Rachel asked; she clearly sounded quite sheepish.

-?-

"Why the hell are you sexy texting my boyfriend?" Kurt screeched, as a red splotch started to melt onto his cheek. "I really, _really_ do not need you knowing about that kind of stuff in my life!"

"Sorry Kurt, but I have to admit it… it was pretty fun," Tina answered while the corners of her lips tugging into a smirk.

-?-

 **Authors note- all the stories happen in order, there's just no particular plot to them. I just love it when the glee kids interact with each other via internet. It's REALLY funny, or for me it is.**


	2. Everyone Now Knows

Scene 2- Everyone now knows

Kurt let out a huff of air breeze past his lips. The New Directions only bang out text, as if there was a war, if there was major gossip. Once his fingers hugged around a Lima Bean cup, he felt his fingers slowly melting. It was cold as hell outside, and the Lima Bean's heater was more of an air blower. Groaning as Kurt sat on it, the oak chair let Kurt's torso graze up against the table. Kurt could no longer handle incessant dings, so he decided to journey into the conversation.

 _Hey guys! –Kurt_

 _Oh, hey Kurt… -Rachel_

 _Ugh, yeah, hi? –Artie_

 _Hey. –Puck_

 _Why is everyone messaging so weird? It's not like an alien popped out my body. –Kurt_

 _Yeah, well we just learned that YOU pop out of people apparently lady lips! –Santana_

 _I'm done. I don't need to hear about my little brother's sex life. –Finn_

 _Wait what? –Kurt_

 _And I'm older than you Finn! –Kurt_

 _Finn_ _Huson left 'New Directions' group chat_

 _Well, little Miss Berry over here may, or may not have spilled the beans about the little secret we learned yesterday! –Mercedes_

 _Uh-huh! a secret not all of us really wanted to know. –Artie_

 _Oh, come on! You've got to be at least a little bit interested… I mean we all thought it would've been the other way around. –Puck_

 _Did you know lord Tubbington once thought that Kurtie would do both at the same time? –Britany_

 _Are you sure you didn't just think that Britt. –Santana_

 _Yeah, he gave me sign language to prove it! –Britany_

 _Wait! Are guys talking about bottoming and topping? –Kurt_

 _Yeah, well, specifically who does what in somebody I knows relationship. –Tina_

 _OMG TINA! –Kurt_

 _Hey! Don't blame me… it was Rachel. –Tina_

 _Oh sure. –Kurt_

 _No really! It was seriously Rachel. –Mike_

 _Thanks babe. –Tina_

 _Snitches… -Rachel_

 _RACHEL! –Kurt_

 _So what does he feel like? Is it just like girly bits? God! I couldn't even imagine sex without boobs! –Puck_

 _Wait… how do you guys even do it? –Sam_

 _I'm not answering you puck… -Kurt_

 _Puck, I told you to chill. Please? –Mercedes_

 _Well, Sam, let ask you something. Is there a hole in your body that you can shove something up? –Santana_

 _Your nose? –Britany_

 _Ugh, there is-oh, OH! –Sam_

 _There you go fish lips! ;) –Santana_

 _This conversation just keeps going down further, and further down the hill. –Artie_

 _I can't really dis-agree with that statement. –Quinn_

 _I wish I was Kurt… Blaine's quite the hunk it would be fun! To see his chiselled abs, would mean one has completed their life! –Sugar_

 _I guess I've had my life completed! –Mercedes_

 _I really REALLY didn't need to hear that. Actually, I didn't really need to hear this whole conversation. –Kurt_

 _As if his abs are any better than the Puck master! No one here even runs in the same race as me for that! –Puck_

 _Oh puck… -Tina_

 _Yeah, he got it seriously going on some days! ;) –Mercedes_

 _Guys… stop talking about my boyfriend! I should be the only one allowed to enjoy his abs! –Kurt_

 _Okay, but I have a question. How'd you know who was what? I mean, like, who topped and bottomed. –Rachel_

 _They just pulled names out of a hat. Duh! –Britany_

 _No, Britany I'm pretty sure that's not how they did it. –Quinn_

 _Then how? –Britany_

 _Didn't Ms. Holiday supposed to update everyone on the sex talk…? –Artie_

 _Well, yeah, now I know storks only give babies when a snake goes into a bush! I think. –Britany_

 _Oh boy… -Artie_

 _You shitting me? –Puck_

 _Maybe Ms. Holiday should come back. –Tina_

 _Maybe. –Artie_

 _Hold up! Do babies really come from storks? –Sam_

 _No Sam! God, I've dated Neanderthals! –Quinn_

 _Hey! –Puck_

 _All boys are Neanderthals, that's why I don't do them anymore. –Santana_

 _Kurt, I would appreciate it if you answered me and Britany's question. –Rachel_

 _Rachel! I would appreciate if you didn't ask such personal questions. –Kurt_

 _Pfft! –Rachel_

 _Well… what's the answer? –Mercedes_

 _That Kurt always wanted his dick up shoved up someone's butthole! –Puck_

 _My point exactly. Only Neanderthals. –Quinn_

 _No! It's definitely not that… -Kurt_

 _It's a good thing that my boyfriend is the opposite of a Neanderthal ;) –Tina_

 _Aw, thanks Tina! And Kurt… what's the answer? –Mike_

 _See even Mike wants to know! –Rachel_

 _Ugh! Okay-okay-okay the first time we did 'it' I was, well, scared that it was going to hurt, and being the perfect gentleman that he is Blaine offered to bottom first. It was just so romantic and amazing that we didn't think or want to switch. –Kurt_

 _OMG KURT! That so sweet! –Sugar_

 _See! Was that so hard? –Rachel_

 _Yes, harder than trying to make it through Mr. Shue's medley of Journey –Kurt_

 _How many times have you done? –Puck_

 _Do you go at it like bunnies? –Santana_

 _Yeah, we've done it too many times to count really. –Kurt_

 _Kurt! –Tina_

 _Oh. My. God. My boy just said that! Nice one Kurt. –Mercedes_

 _I'm officially out. –Artie_

 _left 'New Directions' group chat._

 _Is it 57? Because I can't count higher than that. –Britany_

 _Oh good gaga… I feel like I should go. –Kurt_

 _No! Dude! I have so many other questions!_

 _Yeah no, now I'm officially going. Bu-bye._

 _No! –Rachel_

 _Puck why'd you do that? –Mercedes_

 _.hummel let 'New direction' group chat._

"Fancy you meeting you here!" a familiar voice swam in Kurt's ear.

"Blaine! Hello, how are you doing?" Kurt greeted while Baine plopped down into a chair across from him.

"I'm good, thanks! Why are you blushing? Blaine questioned, as a rose stain started to wander all over Kurt's cheek. Lifting his, along with his eyebrows, Coffee cup, Blaine slurped up some liquid expecting an answer.

"Ugh, it's a long and painful story!" Kurt huffed.

"Why is my phone going off so much too?" Blaine said, as his eyebrows, almost like a magnet was moving them, pulled together.

"For the love of god Blaine! Do not open up you're group chat! Please! Do. Not. Do. It."


	3. the Warblers

The warblers

Blaine had hopped his way in the Lima Bean with excitement just like a bunny on steroids would. Today had been Kurt's first day at Dalton, and Blaine's heart thump into his chest incessantly. He was going to the same school as Kurt. Yay! While waiting in the, what seemed like, never ending line, Blaine felt his pocket vibrate. Once, twice, three time, and then too many time to count. Slipping his fingers around the phone, Blaine read the Warblers texts banging out like shotguns.

 _Guess who hopped on the high horse today? –Thad_

 _Blaine. –Wes_

 _Oh, Blaine. –Trent_

 _Blaine freakin' Anderson! –David_

 _Wait! Blaine rides horses?" –Jeff_

 _No-no it was a figure of speech. –Nick_

 _Oh! Thanks Nicky! –Jeff_

Scrunching his eyebrows together, so that they were almost touching, Blaine hoped they weren't talking about what he thought they were…

 _And why would I be on a high horse…? –Blaine_

 _Because you, sir, have your future boyfriend/lover/father of your children going to Dalton! –Thad_

 _Kurt? –Blaine_

 _Yes! –Trent_

 _Hell yeah! –David_

 _Obviously. –Nick_

 _No. –Jeff_

 _Blaine, there's literally no one else in question. –Wes_

 _Never mind! I change my answer to yes. –Jeff_

 _Oh Jeff… -Nick_

They were talking about what he thought. Blaine mentally sighs, as he inches closer to the cash register.

 _Guys, I don't even like him. –Blaine_

 _That is the biggest amount of horseshit I've ever heard –David_

 _David! No swearing, and no one actually says horsesh*t –Wes_

 _Party pooper… -David_

 _I honestly don't like him! –Blaine_

 _Yeah, no, you LOVE him! –Thad_

 _I find it quite endearing :) –Trent_

 _Guys… -Blaine_

 _Who are we talking about? –Jeff_

 _Kurt, Jeff. –Nick_

 _Oh! The love of Blaine's life. –Jeff_

 _See! Even Jeff knows that Blaine's in love with Kurt. It must be obvious! –Trent_

 _Just because I'm a blonde doesn't mean I'm stupid or dumb! –Jeff_

 _Mmmmmhmmmm –Wes_

 _Believe what you want to Jeff –David_

 _Yeah, sure… ummmm. –Nick_

 _Guys, it's not nice to fill people with false hope that they might not being stupid. –Thad_

 _Hey! –Jeff_

 _Jeff, I don't think you're stupid, maybe not the brightness, but you're also very talented. –Trent_

 _Aww! Thanks Trent. –Jeff_

 _Plus! You're very sweet! –Blaine_

 _Ugh, you two don't have to be so nice and dapper and charming all the time! –David_

 _It's a pretty quality than being an insane party animal with no limits. –Wes_

 _I quite enjoy Trent and Blaine –Wes_

 _I guess I should turn into a golden boy then… -David_

 _David, play nice. –Blaine_

 _Let's get back to the main problem. Blaine's in love with Kurt! –Thad_

 _NO I'M NOT! –Blaine_

 _Buddy! I can feel you're blush from way up in the library. –Thad_

 _I know how much you guys love bugging Blaine… just a heads up. We need to be in the choir room in twenty minutes, for we have Kurt's audition. –Wes_

 _Oh! Kurt's audition. –Nick_

 _;) –Thad_

 _Yes, Blaine has informed me that he's pretty good. –Wes_

 _Pretty good looking apparently –Thad_

 _If I just admit that I like him, will you all quite bugging me? –Blaine_

 _Nope. –Nick_

 _Well, you basically just told us, and we didn't promise anything… so no. –Thad_

 _Blaine, it's quite obvious that you've liked him for a while –Wes_

 _Holy shit! –David_

 _Language! –Wes_

 _What? –Trent_

 _WES FORGOT A PERIOD! –David_

 _No I didn't. –Wes_

 _Oh my god. You so did! –Trent_

 _Not the almighty Wes. –Thad_

 _Periods are the dots? Right? –Jeff_

 _Wes! And yes, Jeff, yes. –Nick_

 _No way… I can't believe I did that! Please, just don't tell anyone. –Wes_

 _Oh, sometimes you guys are too much. –Blaine_

 _But you love us anyways! –David_

 _Of course I do! –Blaine_

 _You guys are like my brothers. –Blaine_

 _Aw! We love you too! –Trent_

 _Meet in the choir room in fifteen minutes. –Wes_

 _Way to ruin the moment! –Nick_

 _Sorry. –Wes_

 _No you're not! –David_

 _Nope, meet in the choir room in fourteen minutes. –Wes_

 _I'm excited, I'll see you guys there. –Blaine_

 _We all know why you're excited! –Thad_

 _Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll see you there. –Blaine_

 _And we'll see you eye fucking Kurt! –David_

 _David! Language! –Wes_

With his hands heating up from the scorching coffee, Blaine's teeth sparkled, as he smiled. He loved the Warblers. They are the best.

Squeaking, just like a shoes on a tennis court, Blaine's loafers strolled to the choir room. He was going to be early. Once Blaine had wrapped in fingers around the cold handle, the door un-hinged its jaw. A yellow light oozed out of it, and Blaine stepped in. Seven, guilty, heads popped up as if they were gophers. Huddled around one of the many couches was Trent, David, Jeff, Nick, Wes, Thad, and… Kurt?

"What are you guys doing?" Blaine's question covered in confusion. A red splotch clawing its way on Kurt's cheek.

"Well, we were texting you Blaine. Kurt wanted to know if you liked-"

"JEFF!" All six of them hollered to cut him off.


	4. Asian Date

Asian Date

A sigh grazes past Tina's wet lips, as she hauls herself out of the pool. Water dripping, leaving trails down her entire body. Swimming for two hours is a lot.

"Are you done for the day?" Blaine, following like a lost puppy, asks.

"Yeah I think so." Tian replies mentally rolling her eyes. They've been going at it for two hours!

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow in class…?" he questions while quirking an eyebrow, so it gets lost in his hairline.

"Yeah, I'll see you." they split into the different change rooms. Clacking out a text, hurriedly, Tina piles into a bathroom to slip on regular clothes.

 _Just got finished swimming with Blaine… can you hang out? –Tina_

Once the dry clothes hugged her skin, Tina's phone hollered at her with a buzz.

 _Can do! You hung out with Blaine without me. ;( -Mike_

 _Hey! You have to share him! –Tina_

Her lips twitch into a smile, as she slips out of the buildings front entrance. Hands waving a goodbye to Blaine. She trots off like a puppy who found a bone, but halts when she hears Blaine's voice filling the outside air.

"Have fun with Mike." He smirked a knowing smile.

With eyes twinkling with confusion, Tina says, "How'd you know it was Mike?"

"Because I know that smile Tina Cohen-Chang."

 _I'm going to one up you. Want to go on a date? –Mike_

Yeah. Tina knows a smile reaching from Europe to America flooded her face. She un-hinged her car's door and sat inside.

 _Oh… sounds like a delight. –Tina_

 _Is that a yes, then? –Mike_

 _Of course! I'll always say yes to your dates! –Tina_

 _I'll have to remember that ;) –Mike_

 _Where would my lady like to go? –Mike_

 _Ugh… I dunno? –Tina_

 _My mother's? –Mike_

 _Ha! In the words of Mercedes Jones, hell to the no. –Tina_

 _Why? I thought you loved eating there. –Mike_

 _Key word there is thought. –Tina_

 _What? –Mike_

 _Yeah-yeah because I like eating some fishy Asian dish that has a name I can't pronounce! –Tina_

 _Tina! What would my mother say to this? –Mike_

 _That's all we ever do! Eat with your mom. Eat out with your mom. Eat you mom's soup. Why can't I have some French cuisine Mike!? –Tina_

 _But… she's the best! I mean, other than you. Of course. –Mike_

 _Of course. Well, okay mama's boy I've got three reasons we should go out tonight. AND NOT WITH YOUR MOM! –Tina_

 _Okay, shoot. –Mike_

 _A… it's fun trying out new places and foods. –Tina_

 _B… it sets the mood for some stuff later. If you catch my drift. –Tina_

 _C… IT DOES NOT INCLUDE YOUR MOM. –Tina_

 _Okay, okay I see your point, but I have a reason you should come over to my house, and it DOES NOT include my mom. Because I get it. You don't like her. –Mike_

 _It's not that I don't like her… it's just that I want to spend time with my man. –Tina_

 _Oh, sweet. –Mike_

 _You want to hear my reason? –Mike_

 _To what? –Tina_

 _To come over to my house, silly! –Mike_

 _Oh! Sure…? –Tina_

 _I can't text it. You're going to have to come over here. –Mike_

 _Then why would you ask if I wanted to hear your reason! –Tina_

 _Well, that doesn't really matter. Just come on over! –Mike_

 _It's a fifteen minute drive, mike. Do I really want to do it? –Tina_

Tina, like a dragon, huffs out a sigh. The car's engine growls and rumbles the car, as she starts it.

 _Yes you do, believe me. –Mike_

 _If I see your mom there… -Tina_

 _No you won't! Just please, Tina. –Mike_

 _Oh, okay. I'm coming. –Tina_

 _Yay! –Mike_

Pooling out of the parking spot, Tina's car zooms its way over to mike's place. Making it there in a not-so-good time of 17 minutes. Stupid deer idly standing on the center of the road's terrain.

 _Okay I'm here. Was it worth the drive? –Tina_

 _Yes, don't worry, just come to the back. –Mike_

 _Why? –Tina_

 _Just do it! You won't regret it… I promise –Mike_

 _Well, if you promise… I guess I'll come. –Tina_

 _Hurry up! I've been waiting all day! –Mike_

 _Yeah-yeah, I'm coming. –Tina_

The soft grass under Tina's flats instantly vanished into concrete, as she follows the path leading to the backyard. She was meet with the sight of her boyfriend sitting atop of blanket wearing plaid. Next to him, a deep brown picnic basket smiling brightly at Tina. The sun beating down hard had made the scene all the more perfect. Un-crossing his legs, and walking over to Tina, Mike's whisper tickles her ear, "Happy anniversary Tina Cohen-Chang."

Goosebumps rose up from under Tina's skin as she replies, "You remembered?"

"Of course, one year is a pretty big deal. At least for me because my girlfriend's so awesome!" He said in a louder voice, not a whisper but not normal.

"It's a big deal… especially when you're boyfriend has abs as awesome as yours." Tina smirked.

"Want to see them?" his words were an invitation.

"You kids better not be getting into anything inappropriate whilst I'm here and gone!" An echoing voice shoots their moment dead. The voice had sounded like it was disciplining little children for ruining their parent's walls.

"Ugh… Mike, was that you're mother that we were just discussing?"

"yes?" he said sheepishly.

"Oh, hell to the no." Tina, tripping over nothing, shuffled backwards. Veins twitched alongside the fists curling into her hand.

Putting his hands up to stop her, Mike says, "Don't worry! She'll be gone soon. She has a meeting in half an hour."

"Oh, thank the lord."


	5. After the surgery

Surgery

It was Saturday night. It was Rachel and Finn's date night. Also known as Rachel mouth never stops piling out complaints about everything over a candle light dinner night. Finn sits dumb founded and idly bobbing his head every once and a while. Rachel screeches like a parrot rambling.

"I just can't find a song that truly speaks to me for once in my life. It's completely terrifying! And this week's assignment almost done with!" She waves her hand in the air as if that will help explain.

"Also, with Blaine gone from the slushie incident Kurt's totally off, and not helping me-"she was interrupted by the shrieking of her phone. It buzzed as if having a seizure. "Excuse me…"

Finn wrapped the empty plates into his arms, as Rachel peeped at her phone. After he dropped the dishes off into the sink with the clashing sound a window breaking, he walked into the living room. That's where Rachel had migrated to barking out laughs. The couch hollered at Finn as he joined Rachel. She kept giggling, and it was muffled from her hand hiding her lips.

"What are you laughing at?"

"Kurt, Kurt..." she roared with laughter trying to spit out words. "He-he sent this video!" She restarted the video. "You have to watch it! It's Blaine after his surgery." She huffed out on last laugh, as the video started.

"Okay?" Finn crunched his eyebrows together so that they were almost hugging. Kurt was hidden behind the camera while Blaine lied on the hospital bed the color of an infant's blue blanket. He had an eye patch on, and look drunk or high… both. "Wait! Rachel, is he high and drunk?"

"No-no he's on pain medicine. Just watch! It's Hilarious!" That's what Finn did. He watched a drugged up Blaine blabbing about something. His lips moving as if he couldn't figure out how to use them. As if they were numb.

"Hey! Did you know that I have a boyfriend? Not a girlfriend." Blaine slurred. Eyes half open as if he's going to fall asleep.

A giggle came from behind the camera, and Kurt's voice, amused, said, "Yup, I did."

"He's not my girlfriend." Another giggle.

"I know." Kurt's voice was close to the camera. It tickled it.

Blaine smiled with a blissed expression. He was on heaven thinking about his boyfriend. "He's amazingly perfect and pretty fucking hot."

"I know."

"And sings pretty awesomely!"

"I know." You could hear Kurt's smile from behind the camera.

Blaine eyebrows showed off their confusion as they crunched, "Wait, do you know him?"

Kurt's huff was followed by an amused voice, "I am him."

"Wow…" Blaine was, well, flabbergasted. His eyes grew as if being pumped with air. Mouth dropped into a circle.

A few clacks of boots filled the room, as Kurt brought the camera closer the Blaine. "Wow good or wow bad?" Kurt sat in one of the four white chairs by the bed, and the camera shook.

Blaine smirked one that you find in the bedroom, "Not just wow good… wow that is the best thing I've ever heard! Are you sure?" Blaine started using his hands to explain.

"I'm pretty sure."

"Wow, I just that you're-that you're so gorgeous! How'd we end up together?"

"Long story."

"I bet," Blaine sigh oozed bliss, as he continued. "I officially have a life plan for us!"

Kurt's hum vibrated his chest. He said, "Do tell."

"Firstly, we're going to get married!"

"Obviously."

"With a big ass wedding that has rainbow doves and dancing elephants!" Blaine was kid in a candy store; he smiled so bright the sun must've been shining down in him. He was just completely fucking joyful.

"Makes sense."

"I wouldn't want anything less for you!" Kurt's muffled giggles swarmed around the camera. "Secondly, we need a puppy." The laughter melted into a sigh.

"Blaine…" Kurt warned to a five year old, "How many times have I told? We can't-"

"Actually we need to get a puppy before we get married!"

"Ugh… but-"

"Okay! First, get a puppy then get married. Lastly have kids!"

"Yeah," Kurt sighed mirroring Blaine's bliss. "I want a two little girls."

Blaine, sounding broken, said, "Kurt? We have a problem though." His ears flopped, and his tail tucked in.

"What's that?"

He whispered, "We both have wieners…" the voice just barley tickling the camera.

"And…?"

"Well, how is one of us supposed to get pregnant?" Blaine asked eyebrows lost in his hairline. A roar of giggles came from behind the camera, as Blaine continued with his conflict. "Because it can't be me!"

"Oh my god, Blaine."

"I volunteer to get a vagina because it can't be you! you can't lose you're wiener!"

"Why?" Though you couldn't see Kurt's face, you could tell he sat there stunned. Frozen, like a prisoner caught in the prison lights.

"I love yours too much." A smack flooded from behind the camera. "And all the feelings it makes me feel. I love how it tastes. Also-"

"Blaine! Oh my god!"

Blaine looked like a confused innocent child "What?"

"That's so inappropriate!"

Blaine hushed his voice, and mumbled, "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Sure?"

"Finn's so tall!"

"That's not really a secret…"

Still in a quieted voice Blaine continues, "But it makes him, like, scary." Kurt hummed. "Also, I feel really bad what I said about Sam."

"That was a long time ago there buddy."

"I know… but he's a good guy. Did you know I'm short? Like, all the dude in glee club are-"Blaine's next words were hidden under a yawn. "So much taller than me."

"Blaine go to sleep. Don't fight it."

"But I want to see your face more!" his eyes drooped lazily.

Kurt leaned over pressing his lips softly against the terrain on Blaine's forehead with a hushed smack. "I'll be here when you wake up." With that, the phone screen was flooded with black.

"Oh my god, dude…" Finn said.

"I know!" Rachel giggled, "I have to send this to everyone."

"That's disgusting! He's my brother. I really didn't want to hear that." Finn, petrified, mumbles finding that hole in the far wall highly interesting. Once the video was sent, Rachel's phone shot texts out faster than guns at war.

 _Oh my god white boy! That is too cute! –Mercedes_

 _Ugh… –Artie_

 _Wait. Why don't they just ask storks if they want Babies so bad? –Brittany_

 _You guys are, like, adorable! –Sugar_

 _Blaine's not actually going to get a vagina… right? –Sam_

 _What? –Blaine_

 _RACHEL! –Kurt_

 _WHY THE HELL DID YOU SEND THIS TO THE GROUP CHAT! –Kurt_

 _You two give me cavities –Noah_

 _Wait-wait-wait, Kurt, your telling me you weren't going to show this to me! –Mercedes_

 _Well, eventually, I didn't want the whole glee club to see! –Kurt_

 _Get over it Kurt! –Rachel_

 _Everyone deserves to see your boyfriend's adorableness! –Rachel_

 _Aw! You think I'm adorable Rachel? –Blaine_

 _Wait! Why's there a video of me? –Blaine_

 _*Facepalm* including him! –Kurt_

 _Whatever. –Rachel_

 _Blaine doesn't know? Ha! That's gold. –Mike_

 _Sorry Blaine…! –Kurt_

 _Don't be. I can never be mad at you! ;) –Blaine_

 _Okay, just heading to the dentist to get my teeth checked for the hundreds of cavities I have! –Noah_

 _Get a life Puck. How long did it take you to think of that? –Quinn_

 _Ugh… dunno? –Noah_

 _You can come to my house! I have magic that gets rid of cavities. –Brittany_

 _What the hell? –Noah_

 _Lay off my girlfriend! –Santana_

 _I haven't gone to the dentist in years! –Brittany_

 _Anyway! We should be discussing about possibly getting extra regional practice. –Rachel_

 _See? This is why I deleted her from this chat. –Santana_

 _Preach. –Artie_

 _Wait! You guys can't do that to me again! –Rachel_

 _It took me so long to get back on it! –Rachel_

 _Wonder why? –Sam_

 _What's that supposed to mean!? –Rachel_

 _Well, not to sound like an ass or something, but no one wanted to add you... –Sam_

 _I thought you were supposed to be nice Sam! OMG! –Rachel_

 _But he ain't wrong. –Mercedes_

 _Not that we don't love you Rach! –Finn_

 _I don't. –Santana_

 _Its just that you're an annoying texter person –Finn_

 _Proper punctuation Finn! –Kurt_

 _Whatever. –Rachel_

 _Whatever –Finn_

 _Can we please talk about that video! Because oh my god Blainey-days! –Tina_

 _Can I go burry my head in a hole and never come out? Please? –Blaine_

 _Then Lady over here can go burry something in you… –Santana_

 _OMG SATAN! –Kurt_

 _*Runs away!* –Blaine_

 _Get it Hummel! –Noah_

 _For the love of god! THAT'S MY LITTLE BROTHER! –Finn_

 _I'm older than you, Finn. –Kurt_

 _Doesn't anyone understand that I don't want to hear about what Kurt does with Blaine! –Finn_

 _Wanky! -Santana_

"I'm really sorry about that video," Kurt apologized while Blaine's face was flooded by a pool of deep red. They had just travelled back from the hospital, and settled on Blaine's bed; their limbs tangled into a knot.

"That's okay… I really wouldn't want to trade your wiener for anything." Blaine, flushed, winked to Kurt.

"I know. Neither would I!"


	6. Facebook

Facebook

 **Kurt Hummel:** Doing laundry… it completely sucks! Can someone come save me?

 **Mercedes Jones, Rachel Berry** and **10 others** likes this.

 **Santana Lopez:** Is laundry a code word for Blaine?

 **Noah (Puck) Puckerman** likes this.

 **Noah (Puck) Puckerman:** It would suck then…

 **Kurt Hummel:** Oh my god!

 **Blaine Anderson:** Excuse me, if I were laundry then Kurt wouldn't want to be saved.

 **Kurt Hummel:** *Facepalms* Blaine!

 **Rachel Berry:** Just finished a very satisfying nationals practice with the New Directions! New York here we come!

 **Kurt Hummel, Sam Evans, Tina Cohen-Chang** and **2 others** likes this.

 **Mercedes Jones:** You only found it satisfying because you got to sing you're solo the whole time.

 **Quinn Fabray:** while we sat and watched Mr. Shue pile you up with complements.

 **Mercedes Jones** Likes this.

 **Rachel Berry:** And Finn!

 **Finn Hudson:** And Finn what? What did I do this time?

 **Rachel Berry:** Piled me with complements!

 **Santana Lopez:** Fake complements…

 **Mercedes Jones** and **Quinn Fabray** Likes this.

 **Rachel Berry:** Deserving complements, actually.

 **Mercedes Jones:** A deserving complement would be; wow Rachel, you voice sounds like you have a ten foot pole up your tiny ass!

 **Kurt Hummel:** Or your wardrobe came crawling out of a grandma's catalogue.

 **Santana Lopez, Quinn Fabray** and **2 others** likes this.

 **Quinn Fabray:** Now someone's giving her real complements.

 **Rachel Berry:** No! Those are false disses! Kurt! You're supposed to be on my side!

 **Santana Lopez:** Those are DESERVING disses.

 **Rachel Berry:** Whatever, at least I have a solo!

 **Mercedes Jones:** You better watch out, white girl.

 **Santana Lopez:** And I actually thought you should sing the solo for once…

 **Rachel Berry:** this is why I should've never joined Facebook, but the part of me that actually thought you would be decent humans beat the logical side.

 **Quinn Fabray:** Go back to My Space.

 **Arties Abrams, Mercedes Jones, Kurt Hummel** and **5 others** likes this.

 **Artie Abrams:** Oh, we're gonna need some ice here.

 **Noah (Puck) Puckerman:** Because you just got burned!

 **Brittney Pierce:** Should someone take her to the hospital?

 **Rachel Berry:** Huh?

 **Brittney Pierce:** She got burned.

 **Santana Lopez:** No, it was a figure of speech.

 **Brittney Pierce:** Oh, what's that?

 **Quinn Fabray:** Have you ever been to English class?

 **Brittney Pierce:** What's that? How come I've never been there?

 **Quinn Fabray:** *Sighs*

 **Brittney Pierce** likes this.

 **Blaine Anderson:** Missing **Kurt Hummel** just a little more than usually… Can't wait to see you again! ;)

 **Kurt Hummel, Rachel Berry** and **9 others** likes this.

 **Wes Montgomery:** Why are you on Facebook during a practice, Blaine?

 **Blaine Anderson:** Because we're singing "Dancing Queen", and it makes me miss my boyfriend!

 **Kurt Hummel** likes this.

 **Kurt Hummel:** Aw! You're too sweet sometimes.

 **Wes Montgomery:** Get off your phone!

 **Blaine Anderson:** You're also on your phone!

 **David thatcher** and **Jeff Sterling** likes this.

 **David Thatcher:** OH! Better watch out Wes!

 **Wes Montgomery:** Get off your phone David

 **David Thatcher:** But, but, but Blaine is on his phone dad!

 **Jeff Sterling:** Why are we on our phones?

 **Wes Montgomery:** To tell these two idiots to get off their phone!

 **Jeff Sterling:** Oh, You two idiots get off your phone! Whoever those two idiots are!

 **Thad Jeffery:** Wow, Jeff's not the idiot… I guess pigs really do fly!

 **Jeff Sterling:** Hey!

 **Wes Montgomery:** Thad! You get off your phone too!

 **Thad Jeffery:** Why?

 **Wes Montgomery:** Because we are in the middle of a practice!

 **David Thatcher:** It's fucking dead silent in here. I literally heard a pin drop in the corner.

 **Wes Montgomery:** David! Language!

 **Jeff Sterling:** Sorry, let me go find my pin… I'm pretty that I dropped it.

 **Trent Dixon:** We're not really practicing for anything. It's not like we have a competition to go to, and we haven't had a performance at an old folks home in a long time.

 **Blaine Anderson, Jeff Sterling** and **2 others** likes this.

 **Wes Montgomery:** Get off your phone Trent.

 **Thad Jeffery:** We could always just watch Blaine eye fuck someone at a gap again…

 **David Thatcher** likes this.

 **Wes Montgomery:** My goodness, Language!

 **David Thatcher:** OH MY GOD! YASSS! That was so funny!

 **Trent Dixon:** Guys... I think Blaine just dropped his phone.

 **Blaine Anderson:** I have vowed to never step foot in a Gap again…

 **Trent Dixon:** For what it's worth I thought you performed the song well!

 **Blaine Anderson:** Why thank you!

 **Jeff Sterling:** Nope! Not my pin! I still have mine. Phew!

 **Nick Duval:** Oh, because we were all so worried.

 **David Thatcher:** What the hell Jeff?

 **Wes Montgomery:** Nick. Off. You're. Phone. Also, language!

 **Nick Duval:** Jeff's just a little confused…

 **Nick Duval:** Literally everyone's on their phone, Wes. Just look up.

 **Wes Montgomery:** Well, what the fuck?

 **Thad Jeffery:** Language!

 **David Thatcher:** Oh my god! WES! LANGUAGE!

 **Jeff Sterling:** Language!

 **Nick Duval:** Language!

 **Blaine Anderson:** Well, hate to say it… but watch you're language, Wes.

 **Wes Montgomery:** Okay, okay, I get it…

 **Trent Dixon:** is there going to anymore practice?

 **Blaine Anderson:** Warbler cry!Oh yeah!

 **Trent Dixon:** Oh yeah!

 **Nick Duval:** Oh yeah!

 **David Thatcher:** Oh yeah!

 **Wes Montgomery:** Oh yeah!

 **Jeff Sterling** : Oh yeah!

 **David Thatcher:** Yass! I beat Wes!

 **Thad Jeffery:** Oh yeah!

 **Kurt Hummel:** YouGuys are insane!

 **Rachel Berry, Mercedes Jones** and **2 others** likes this.

 **Santana Lopez:** Just caught **Finn Hudson** staring at **Rachel Berry's** non-existent ass!

 **Quinn Fabray:** So the usual?

 **Santana Lopez, Noah (Puck) Puckerman, Mike Chang** and **4 others** likes this.

 **Finn Hudson:** What the hell? I so wasn't!

 **Noah (Puck) Puckerman:** Dude, yes you were.

 **Finn Hudson:** Why were you looking at me looking at Rachel's butt?

 **Rachel Berry** Likes this.

 **Rachel Berry:** Aha! You were looking at it? Finn Hudson! We need to talk!

 **Santana Lopez:** What else is he supposed to look at? I mean, he's got bigger boobs than man hands.

 **Artie Abrams:** Oh, you just got burnt to a crisp, sister.

 **Kurt Hummel:** Can we please not talk about my brother staring at Rachel's ass?

 **Mercedes Jones, Sam Evans** and **3 others** likes this.


End file.
